Friday, March 9, 2012

kuatkan hati

aku hanya mampu menunggu dan bersabar apakah rencana yang di atur oleh Allah S.W.T buat aku selepas ini. aku harap aku kuat untuk hadapi semua ini. semoga aku akan terus kuat untuk terus berjalan mengharungi setiap onak dan jalan yang berliku0-liku di hadapan aku ini. semoga aku akan terus berjalan tanpa menoleh ke belakang. semoga aku akan terus mempercayai diri sendiri dan menyayangi diri sendiri selain dari pada orang yang selalu menyakiti hati aku. melukai hati aku. memberi harapan palsu. memberi cinta palsu. memberi sebuah ilusi yang tak akan menjadi realiti kepada aku. aku berterima kasih kepada insan2 tersebut yang telah memberikan kesan yang mendalam ke dalam hati aku. semoga anda semua akan tersedar dari lamunan. ingat lah karma itu adalah ada.
aku berharap aku akan terus kuat. muunnnn... engkau harus kuat. jangan jadi lemah. jangan jadi orang yang bodoh. kuat kan iman mu. kuat kan hati mu. cekal kan hati mu. dengan semua ini. sesungguhnya semua ini adalah dugaan untuk kau. dan Allah mengetahui dan mengatur yang terbaik untuk kau.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

kasih sayang lebih penting dari segalanya

ini punya cerita saya ambik dari FB.. hehe.. aku rasa korang patut baca kisah ni. sungguh menyayat hati . penuh iktibar dan korang patut hayatinya, sebab dalam hidup kita ni tak semua benda ada lah kebahagiaan. termasuk lah dalam alam perkahwinan. bagi yang belum kahwin tu jadi kan cerita ni sebagai pengajara. duit, harta rumah besar bukan nya jaminan kepada kebahagiaan tetapi hanya elemen yang melengkap kan sesebuah institusi kebahagiaan. selamat membaca... >.<

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up
by: Ennaid Seyer

Sunday, March 4, 2012

mark of jurist: alKauthar institut

kali ni aku pegi kelas al kauthar institut dengan tajuk nya kali ni ttg mark of jurist.
selepas pegi ke kelas tu. baru lah aku tau begitu banyak sekali dosa yang tidak kita ketahui secara diam yang di lakukan leh jutawan2 kita malaysia ini . demi melipat ganda kan keuntungan mereka menggunakan taktik. bah kan dalam pelajaran seharian kita pun wujud nya cara2 untuk meraih keuntungan secara haram,. contoh nya strategy2 perancangan dalam selling. di situ wujud nya sumber yang haram. seperti yang aku pelajari sebelum ini. bak kata sheikh tawfique chowdhury(president mercy mission) yang membuka mata aku. betapa selama ini apa yang aku belajar itu merupakan cara untuk mendapat wang haram. astaghfirullah...

meh sni aku bagi situasi sikit... contoh nya kita beli twisties. pastu ada macam cabutan bertuah. dia cakap sapa dapat kupon ke.. apa ke bnda ker.. yg sewaktu dgn nya. semasa membeli makanan tersebut. dengan itu. kalau kita tertarik x then kita beli banyak2 dengan harapan dapat hadiah cabutan bertuah tu. di situ wujud nya unsur2 gambling.

lagi 1.. apa yg aku lihat n ter buka mata sebentar.. actually lama la jugak aku bukak mata sejak tu.. ahah... sebnarnya kita terlalu percaya kan doctor sehingga mengabai kan pencipta kita sendiri. setiap perkara yang berlaku kepada kita hari ni. ada lah terjadi sejak kita dari alam roh lagi. semua nya Allah telah tentu kan. meh sni aku nak bagi cerita sebenar yang berlaku di UK...

Rosie. seorang perempuan yang telah berkahwin beberapa tahun dahulu. dan di seorang wanita yang ber purdah. alhamdulillah.. dia sedang mengandung selama 4 bulan. tidak lama kemudian dia di sah kan mengalami komplikasi dlm sistem badannya iaitu kurang kalsium. suami nya sorang pekerja biasa yang mampu menanggung kos kehidupan yang agak tinggi d samping sewa rumah yang mahal. kerana suami nya bergaji kecil sahaja. doctor menasihat kn bahawa rosie perlu terdedah kepada cahaya mata hari... semakin hari.. rosie semakin membongkok dan tidak berdaya untuk berjalan. dia tetap dengan pendirian nya untuk tidak membuka hijab nya. bagaimana jalan penyelesaian nya? adakah perlu membuka hijab nya?

jawapan nya.. segalanya2 terletak kepada keteguhan hati rosie itu sendiri. sama ada percayakan kata2 doctor ataupun maha pencipta. tidak lama kemudia rosie berjaya melahir kan anak nya tidak cukup bulan. para doctor kehairana dan merasakan satu keajaiban apa bila melihat bayi kecil itu sihat walafiat.

rosie mengatakan. hanya kuasa tuhan yang mampu menarik nywa kita. hanya Allah yang ada di hati nya. Hanya Allah yang menjadi ubat nya. hanya Allah yang mampu mengubah segala nya...

seketika aku terpana sebentar dengan hujah2 ni. mungkin pada korang semua ini adalah perkara biasa. tapi bagi aku ianya adalah perkara baru bagi aku.
aku sedang cuba untuk menjadi lebih baik. aku mahukan ketenangan yang di dapati oleh sekian orang. aku mahu mendalami semua ini. aku bersyukur kerna mendapat ilmu baru.. meskipun sesetengah perkara kita da belaja kat sekolah. tapi
semakin kita belajar semakin kita tak tahu.
betol tak? pokok pangkal nya. Allah itu maha Kuasa, hanya DIA yang mampu mengubah segala-galanya..

jazakum Allahu khairan for the reading.